19 Oct 7 ways to Expand into Bliss

1. Be Here Now.

I know, I know. It’s easier said than done, but being present really is the key to almost everything, and certainly the key to everything blissful, joyful, ecstatic or pleasurable. Someone who is stuck constantly obsessing about the past or worrying about some future event will find it hard to experience Bliss, or even be able to relax at all! One essential aspect of Tantric lovemaking is about being present with your lover, letting go of any goal and really diving into the ecstasy that is possible in each moment. In Tantra, we use our senses to help us become more centred and present, not just in lovemaking, but in everyday life. See how fully you can experience each moment – it is amazing what we miss out on when we are distracted or trying to do 15 things at once.

Did you know it is now proven that multi-tasking doesn’t exist? What we call ‘multi-tasking’ is just switching back and forth between different tasks. And it actually makes you less efficient, not more efficient. Do each task completely and with awareness and be amazed at the Bliss you can derive from the simplest things.

“Life is available only in the present moment.”
{Thich Nhat Hanh}

2. Be Real.

Stop hiding from yourself and everyone else. Meaning: take off the mask. Allow yourself to be who you are right now. We want to see the real you! Truly authentic people are fascinating, charismatic, intriguing, connected to themselves, and magnetically attractive to others.
Anyway, we can’t expect to experience Bliss through avoiding our true nature, trying to be ‘spiritual’ but blocking out what we don’t want to deal with. However, being real can be scary. We all know that real vulnerability shows immense courage, NOT weakness. I recommend watching Brene Brown’s TED talks about authenticity and the power of vulnerability.
In Tantra, we learn to accept ourselves how we are in this moment. If we fully accept ourselves, we can move forward. If we resist acknowledging the truth, we stagnate.

“What you resist persists, what you look at disappears.”
{Carl Jung}

3. Take Responsibility for your own pleasure.

Ain’t nobody gonna do it for you! Your pleasure is your responsibility. You can’t expect your partner or anyone else to provide you with the pleasure that you deserve. If it’s important to you, then you can make the time for it, with or without someone else. The more in contact you are with your own body, the more pleasure you will feel with your lover. Take some time to explore and get to know your body better – self-touch is wonderful for this. In Sexological Bodywork, we work a lot with ‘Orgasmic Yoga’ – which is a kind of conscious masturbation practice in which we bring awareness to our sexual habits, and instead of indulging in repetitive unconscious patterns, connect with our sexual energy naturally through breath, sound, movement, self-touch and presence.

“Don’t knock masturbation, it’s sex with someone I love!”
{Woody Allen}

A very simple Orgasmic Yoga Practice:

• Set aside at least 30 minutes (ideally more) to explore your body
• Have an intention (maybe to give yourself loving touch, to awaken your G-spot, to connect with your sexuality without porn or repetitive patterns, to let go of the goal, to explore erogenous zones, anything really!)
• Use conscious breath, movement and self-touch to connect deeper with your sexuality.
• Break your habitual patterns, try things you wouldn’t normally – maybe you want to give yourself a nice, slow, relaxing massage in the bath, or maybe you feel like touching yourself as you dance to your favourite music. Don’t just focus on the genital area.
• Be aware of any resistance that comes up (thoughts like: ‘this is silly, I don’t deserve it’…)
• At the end, take 5 minutes to lie in silence and relax, be aware of the effect.
• Write down a few notes from your experience – to bring more awareness to it. How was it? What were you distracted by? What did you feel in your body?

4. Love yourself.

Speaking of self-pleasuring… This is a huge one. We live in a society where we are constantly told we’re not good enough, we are incomplete, unworthy, or somehow inadequate without buying a certain product or treatment. It is not generally encouraged to find love and happiness within yourself, even though that is the only place we can really find lasting fulfillment. Self-love is not selfish, it is necessary. Without a healthy dose of self-love and self-respect, it’s impossible to really feel love for someone else. Obsessively focusing on trying to make someone else happy without being deeply connected to yourself doesn’t work. Those who have a healthy self-love naturally know how to bring pleasure to others. The more you nourish yourself, the more love you have to give.

“Loving yourself does not mean being self-absorbed or narcissistic, or disregarding others. Rather it means welcoming yourself as the most honored guest in your own heart, a guest worthy of respect, a lovable companion.”
{Margo Anand}

5. Just Let Go.

One of the biggest challenges for many of us: loosening the grip of the mind and emotional dramas long enough to realise that our true power lies not in control, clinging or grasping, but in releasing, surrendering, letting go and trusting. It is a process of releasing our identification with the mind, the repetitive ego-patterns and the story and allowing the present moment to unfold simply as it is. The times in my life I have experienced the most ecstasy, the most Bliss, the most expansive feelings of Love, have all been connected to a state of letting go and surrendering.

“In my experience, the power to create all that I am creating in the world today arises out of surrender. In getting out of my own way, there is this direct access to an unfathomable creative life force. It is a paradox. In surrender I find power.”
{Chameli Ardagh}

6. Play. Be Spontaneous. Have Adventures.

For most of us, our inner child is trapped and stifled in a rigid box most of the time, and is desperate to come out to play, and have an adventure or three!
Allow yourself to be inspired and amazed by this incredible world. Cultivate awe. Laugh. Play. Dance. Let go of the idea that you need to be serious and allow the essence of lightness to permeate your being, then frolic with joyful abandon in golden sunbeams. Yes! Life is good!

This 2 minute video by Jason Silva beautifully captures the importance of cultivating states of Awe and child-like wonder.

7. R.E.L.A.X

In our fast-paced world, many people have the idea that relaxation means sitting in front of the television or going to the movies: a kind of numbing out, or switching off. This is not actually true relaxation. True relaxation leaves you feeling replenished and energised afterwards. It is a state of being, without the mind, that may involve meditation, walking, being in nature, receiving a massage, connecting deeply with a loved one, listening to music in a meditative state or simply being aware of your breath. Relaxation is about coming back to the essence of who you are. When you become a real relaxation expert, it is possible to maintain this state of relaxed presence in all your experiences and interactions.

First step: Stop and breathe. Regularly. Have short pauses of awareness throughout the day, become aware of the tension that our bodies can accumulate, then focus on consciously releasing and relaxing it.

“Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.” {Zen proverb}