When a woman is drawn to vaginal, or yoni, massage for its therapeutic benefits or ability to activate and magnify her pleasure potential, she does not always come boldly and directly. Many women are very hesitant, either because they have self-esteem issues which block their ability to receive or they have been subjected to some form of abuse or trauma which has closed them down physically and/or emotionally. In fact, many women come for yoni massage because they are non-orgasmic. Others are not fully satisfied and fulfilled in their sexual life and they want to learn how to expand their orgasmic potential.
Tantra Massage for women indeed helps women open and relax in such a way as to experience different states of orgasm during the massage itself. However, the best attitude for approaching a massage should not be oriented toward expectations and goals, but rather toward: pure openness…. When a woman tries to reach orgasm or her man aims to give her enough pleasure to reach orgasm, she is pushed into a subtle form of stress and such a goal-oriented approach can even block its intended result. Most of all, she’ll be taken away from the present moment – the opportunity to fully enter a deep relationship with herself. Instead of being present – relaxing, enjoying, receiving pleasure, and expressing joy freely – she will be trying to reach somewhere else, a mental projection built from what she thinks she should be experiencing. If she doesn’t reach that imagined goal, she’s liable to feel more frustrated, disappointed, and as if something is wrong with her or that she is not good enough, conclusions which feed a vicious circle that may continue to create a shield that blocks her from her highest potentials.
Some women have never had an internal orgasm when they come for a session and, during the massage, they do. This common scenario is sometimes attributable to a lack of ability to surrender and relinquish control, which is often the manifestation of a trust issue and closed heart. Sometimes this is evident when a woman can orgasm by herself but not with a partner. In addition, women may realize that other factors have contributed to taking them out of an orgasmic sphere, namely the dynamic that is at times created when men try to please their partners and women want to let their partners feel that they succeeded. This tension even leads some women to fake their orgasms, which is one of the worst things a woman can do within her sexual life, for herself and her relationship. A man will feel then that his partner does orgasm with him, so he will come to expect that she should continue to reach orgasm, and efficiently so. The woman will be put into another pattern of creating an expectation for herself and her lover.
Often, I have been approached by couples where both partners feel the woman has a problem as she can’t reach orgasm. To their credit, both of them realize that they need to show more patience, and this lack of patience is usually the first admitted problem. Secondly, they often feel blocked and afraid to say that they are not enjoying the experience, because the man fears his self-esteem may be damaged and the woman is afraid of rejection, and so… it all circles back to achieving the woman’s orgasm – which now produces more stress for both partners. However, both need to realize that it takes time for women to warm up. They need to take it slowly and build up their arousal. And they need to be able to enjoy and love themselves in the process. Sometimes, a couple attends the woman’s session together and – surprise – a woman who is normally not orgasmic with her partner reveals herself to be extremely orgasmic during the massage. This may also trigger feelings of inadequacy in the man, who suddenly realizes the problem may not be the woman’s after all, and even resentment in the woman, who has long felt blamed for intimacy problems in the relationship, when perhaps she was simply not provided the right stimulation or her partner did not last long enough to take her to orgasm.
Taking all of these factors into account, my invitation to women today and every day is to: be yourself, enjoy yourself, and love yourself! Allow yourself to stretch into the greatest openness within your personal universe, dropping everything related to conventions, expectations, and goals. If the orgasm comes, it comes. Letting go of expectations removes any boundary for the experience and allows the full and limitless range of potential to manifest.
In the right conditions, being touched in the right way, cradled within an aura of sacred space while you are loving and enjoying yourself, you will reach orgasm exactly because you are relaxed and enjoying, you can let go of control, and you don’t expect a thing. When it comes, let Shakti come to you and through you, bringing the divine aspect of the massage deep within you like a river of love that reaches your heart….
Yoni massage offers women these general benefits: